PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Oh god it's open bar.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
