My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize