i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
