shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
