Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
