A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
