C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
handjob tips. give me some.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
