New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Just high enough for therapy.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Randomize
