Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
So many bounce houses so little time
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize