I hate all girls vehemently.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Randomize
