Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
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