seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
