What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
