i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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