her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
