remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
