They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
