dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
