Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
