hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
