there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
