Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
