why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
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