Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Someone came in the potted fern
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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