Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
