woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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