Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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