i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize