I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
