fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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