I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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