you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
i've created a new STD.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
