guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
