I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
She's like a pop up book from hell.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
