i don't plan on having that self control this summer
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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