We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
