i just sold back the books i vomitted on
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
