I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
