Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
