His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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