And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize