FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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