You're so nebulous sometimes
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
