When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
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