Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Randomize
