he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
