my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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