Don't you send me to vm
I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
