Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
