They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
third nipple confirmed
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
