I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
We got so high we made milksteak
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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