i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
