There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
You need Xanax blowdarts
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
