i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
