Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Randomize
