You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
