I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
