So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize