help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Randomize
