I can't watch pbs sober anymore
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
