He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
