Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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