my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
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