bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
