That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Randomize
