$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize