Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
