I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
