i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
