... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
