I want you more than these girls want KFC
I want her autograph on my taint
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
