you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
