hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
This baby is an asshole
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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