lets start a swedish sibling band together
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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